I want to tell you the story of two of my Egyptian friends – because it epitomises how women in this country are still seen as second rate citizens. This story is particularly interesting because these friends of mine have lived abroad (in Europe) and according to me, are exactly the same as me – we like to do the same things, we talk about interesting topics, we are from the same LSM, we travel, we go night-clubbing until early hours of the morning etc etc.

Let me start with Reham’s story (not her real name):

She is a divorced single mother aged 30. She got engaged to her previous husband, and with that was given an apartment (in her name) by her mother (who is Egyptian, but lives in Edinborough with her second husband). Up until then, Reham had been living with her grandparents.

When she started to notice signs that perhaps this guy wasn’t her night in shining armour, she told her mother that she didn’t want to marry him after all. Her mother’s response was “You will marry him, otherwise you will not be given your apartment”.

So they got married (that was the only way she was going to be allowed to move out of her grandparents house), had a baby and a month later he walked out (after being an absolute psycho and someone that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy).

Since then, Reham has been living in her own apartment and bringing up her son on her own. She is frowned upon by neighbours because she lives alone, but her mother lives abroad and her grandparents have downgraded, so there is no other option (luckily for her). 

She cannot take her son out of the country without getting the father’s permission – which he refuses to give – so she is stuck in Egypt. The father used to pay LE500 per month (about R700) for the son, but hasn’t paid anything for at least a year now. The law is of no use, and cannoy help Reham in any way – these things cannot be changed.

On top of this, for the first time in ages, the father has contacted Reham’s uncle and said he wants to see his son for 15 minutes on Thursday. She was completely against it, but her uncle said it was the father’s right, and she had to let him see his son. She went ballistic and maintained that the father had no rights to his son considering his past behaviour. Reham then had to take Thursday off from work, so that she could watch over her son (who is looked after by a nanny at her house) because she thinks her uncle would let her ex-husband see his son behind her back. (I mean wtf!!!)

Reham then met a friend of mine (we’ll call him Karim) at a dinner party at my house. They hit it off, went on a couple of dates – and then last Thursday they broke up becuase they had a fight (he got annoyed because she wanted to come out for dinner with a bunch of us and he couldn’t make it, so he wanted her to stay at home and wait for him).

By the Saturday, they were back together and …. engaged!  

This, to me, is just absurd! But Reham has said that Karim is willing to wait for her as long as it takes, so they have set the wedding for October – WHAT???? That is 6 months away – which means that she is going to get marrried again (pressured by their families) within 8 months of first clapping eyes on the guy! (and this is after they broke up after their first fight!)

Well, this is absolute madness according to me! And I have actually said as much to Reham (you will remember that she is a very good friend, and we go partying together), and she says yes, she knows, but this is the Egyptian way…

Well, what can you say to that other than I wish you the best, and may you guys be happy ever after…